Life was easier when I was drawing leaves

Well it’s been a productive afternoon now hasn’t it?

I’ve been sitting in the local Starbucks at the edge of campus for a few hours now…It wasn’t until last night that I realized I had so much going on next week. Two exams, a presentation, a paper due, plus whatever homework I’ll have. Rough! I needed to utilize my time wisely today so I packed up my stuff and jumped on a bus and here I am.

Only about a third of the way done with my studying for Geography, I finished picking the text support for my paper/started outlining points of analysis, and still have to do some looking-over for math.

Tomorrow’s a long day (Thursday’s are always the roughest) so I won’t have too much time to spend doing homework or studying (plus I need to have everything I need for tomorrow prepared tonight) and Friday I go home again to work, and this weekend I’m scheduled to work Friday night, Saturday night, and Sunday. Time is of the essence, especially with an exam Monday. Yikes.

Doesn’t look like sleep is going to be too abundant this week.

I needed another quick mental break, and then I think I’ll rewrite a little bit of my short story for Creative Writing so I actually have something for tomorrow, and then need to do some math. Jesus.

Prayers for me for the rest of this week and next week that I make it out not only alive but also successful lol

On a brief potentially-positive note, Col is working on campus tonight for his job and there is the ever slightest chance I may see him, but i doubt it. I probably won’t get to see him until next Monday or Tuesday probably.

Shit sucks man. But it’ll all be worth it in the end.

In desperate need of a midterm question-answering break.

I finished two of the five questions I’m doing, and am 3/4 way through the third, and they’re not due until midnight tonight, but I just want them to be done and out of the way so I don’t have to worry about them anymore lol.

I also have class at 5 which I really don’t feel like going to and now that I’ve taken this break I’m kinda thinking about heading back to the dorm to finish up rather than staying here at the library.

It’s more of a comfort thing, really.

Yeah, I think I’ll do that. I mean, I got some decent work done and was really focused and all that shit but I got to a point where I was staring blankly at the word document in front of me and was just thinking “yeah, I need to stop. I need to go.”

so yeah. There’s really nothing I have to blog about today so far. Treated myself to sleeping in until 10:45 because my 11 am got canceled. Didn’t want to wake up too late, though, cause I had work to do, etc etc….

Wow this is probably the most pointless and boring post I’ve ever made but I needed the mental break lol so just getting out some thoughts.

Okay. I’m done. Gonna start the walk back now. Woo.

Well guys, it was an average day. Still weird at some points, but I guess average overall.

I don’t want to spend any more time dwelling on how my mind is completely and utterly restless lately and how I’m thinking about way too many things, most of which I just shouldn’t be thinking about.

I think I’m kinda stressed because I have a lot going on with school right now and have to more weekends left of work and I guess it’ll be nice to have that time back but then I’m gonna start freaking out about how I have no money. Thus I will need to look for another job. Yay.

Col visited again tonight but his boss asked him to come in tomorrow morning so he didn’t stay the night. Kinda bummed because I don’t have class until 5 tomorrow so we coulda just loafed and cuddled all day even though I have a shit ton of work to do but still. Idk. I keep smelling him even though he’s not here and I miss him.

If we’re being honest, some of the thoughts I’ve been having lately had to do with him… I was beginning to get doubtful about Cali and with myself as Colin’s girlfriend. I guess I’m not totally over second-guessing Cali but maybe it’s because it’s such a big decision. It’s probably normal. But Colin? How could I ever second-guess him…

It wasn’t really him, I guess. It was me. I didn’t trust myself enough to be entirely mentally and emotionally available and faithful to him because I kept thinking about certain people… and randomly I was considering if we were potentially at the beginning of a fizzling-out and most of our relationship was based on texting and sex.

But it’s not.

He’s my best friend. I knew that, I know it, and I always will know it. That I never doubted. But after spending time today I kind of mentally hit myself in the head and was like “Er.. what the fuck were you thinking?”

He’s perfect. He’s everything. He makes me feel better if I’m feeling down and he doesn’t have to do a single thing. I love him with all of my heart and I want him by my side for a very long time if he’ll have me.

I’m not sure why I was doubting myself or the way things were, it could be that our relationship is taking a toll because of me being at school and his new job therefore causing us to only see each other like once a week. It could be other stress adding to it. It could be a lot of things. But I don’t even want to think about them now because I know everything is good and there’s no need to worry and I’m disappointed I even considered there was in the first place.

I think I just need to get my work done and keep my shit together and find a better way to cope with all the stuff flying around me lately. Do whatever it is I have to do. I still need to make sacrifices for the future, and I’ll thank myself for it later, but my focus right now is on the present. Study hard, get good grades, maintain a healthy lifestyle, etc.

There may be a falter every now and then but they happen to everyone. Things are okay. Things will get better.

Always trying to stay positive.

With that, have a lovely night all. Sweet dreams.